They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
