There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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