Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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