Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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