Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
