Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
