Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize