I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
