my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
