Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
