That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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