does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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