My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
