Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
