Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Hippo gnu deer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
