i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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