At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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