Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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