You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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