don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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