Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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