how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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