I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
