and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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