You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
