am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
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