YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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