dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
