I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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