oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
