your parents love me but you hate me
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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