Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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