We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
