Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
