Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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