Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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