No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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