3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
