The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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