Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
