btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
