Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
