I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
