How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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