She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
