YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
