I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
