I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize