Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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