Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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