Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize