I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
