she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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