I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
