I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
