This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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