Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
