i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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