I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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