your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
