Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
