My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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