Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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