If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
