I got chris browned last night
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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