I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
