I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
