You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize