Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
