i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
