You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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