Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
