he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
