I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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