I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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