I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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