If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
