went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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