haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
