At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Randomize
