Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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