She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
