im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
