Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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