discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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