Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
